September 20, 2010
It's weird but I have the hardest time getting online and starting to write something, lately. Could it be another of those bloggers-blocks?
Anyway I hope it won't last too long, because I'm getting annoyed with my own lack of presence here.
I've been going through my last photographs several times this weekend, and I have quite some, but I just couldn't find anything to go with them or to write about. So, tonight out of misery I chose figs. Except for them being really good right now (and I mean really, really good!) I don't think they will be the most inspiring picture you'll come across this week. It's not that nothing's happening over here, quite the opposite.
One thing that did happen for instance is that I went on a job interview, got the job and then turned the offer down. For practical reasons. Not because I didn't like the job or didn't find myself fit. For practical reasons only. Like not being able to find a nanny within two days' notice, because that's what it was. I was supposed to start immediately. Having been home with my girls for almost nine years now, not being certain about who would pick them up from school and take them to their after school activities eventually gave me cold feet. I simply couldn't do it. Sure, after the first interview I really felt ready for the big leap forward. When I walked in that office, it actually felt as if I never had left the work floor. I was ready for a new challenge. Back home, however, especially after meeting with the HR people, and seeing the puzzled faces of my girls, reality kicked in. It was early September and the starting date was only a couple of days away. How on earth would I be able to find someone, when all I heard at school was moms complaining and being desperately on the outlook for nannies.
The job would have changed our lives considerably. I would have gone back to my old field, economics. No more sewing, no more crafts, at least for awhile. Probably, I wouldn't have had time to continue this blog here, though I must immediately add that I had volunteers lining up already. My sweet, sweet girls would more than happily have taken over the business. M. actually can't wait to start a blog of her own. The stress level in our household would have increased considerably, too. But maybe also my intellectual satisfaction. After a couple of sleepless nights, I said no, however.
Maybe I saw it too black and white. I know many of you are doing it. Successfully. Every day, day after day. Family, job, blogging, and many things more. And so was I. I used to be a working mom in a former life. So, what happened to this once so ambitious girl? Was it the kids or was I afraid of giving up something else too?
I gave it a lot of thought and I think my priorities have changed over time. Yes, I still want a job, but one leaving enough flexibility for that other important job: being a mom.
Do I regret I didn't take the job? Yes, to a certain extent. But it would have come at a price. A price I wasn't ready to pay. And anyway, bygones are bygones. Or as they say in Dutch: het zijn vijgen na Pasen. Figs after Easter..., which they always are, by the way, at this side of the world...
So, I'll keep on looking, either for a part-time job or a job I can do from home. I might even write that book I've been thinking of after all. Who knows... If I ever do so, I will let you know!
I'm wishing you a great week!
I feel deeply touched by all of your comments - every single one of them! Being a parent is a balancing act, isn't it. Thank you so, so much! I really have the feeling I made the right decision for now - I see it in the happy faces of my girls... and it makes me feel good!